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Monday, November 27, 2006

FEET I put a lot of importance on a woman's feet. I know it may be shallow but I couldn't ever love a woman with jacked feet. I want to make it clear that i do not have a fetish. I don't want to suck em, buck em wild or nut on them. I just want them to be perfect. It makes me angry in the summer when i see so many girls wearing sandals or open toed shoes when their feet are straight up balls ugly. I don't understand it? Why put them out on display for all to see? I think there should be feet police who go around giving tickets to people who let their toes hangout and offend upstanding people like myself. The only thing i like about winter is no sandals. Feel free to respond with your own shallow standards or to spit rage at me because your feet are flawed and i'm offending you. Either way we'll party. Saturday, December 02, 2006 itsy bitsy spider ran up my leg and fucked me I have a spider bite on my right thigh. I woke up and felt a bump on my leg thursday morning and like any red blooded man I squeezed it. The amount of pain i felt made it clear to me that it wasn't a pimple. As the day went on the bump swelled and i noticed two puncture wounds on the top of the bump. The area around bite went red and became super warm. By friday walking was super painful and the swelling was really showing so i decided to go to a walk in clinic. At the clinic an old greek man tended to me, he looked like he partied with Sinatra back in the day and was still feeling the effects. He asked me if i had touched the bump and i told him i tried to pop it, he scowled at me and said "never pop anything on your skin! not even here (he drew an invisble triangle around his nose, cheeks and chin) if you pop something here you could get brain abcess and then i can do nothing for you!" I didn't know if that meant he was going to cut my leg off or what but he's a fool to think i wont pop a pimple when i see one. I'll mangle the fucker. Anyways, he started pushing around the bite, causing me big time pain. he asked me if it hurt, i said "yes" he then took two fingers and pushed them deep into the space between my ballsac and thigh. the only problem was i think he had indulged in a jug of brandy before I got there so his aim was a bit off. He poked me hard in the right ball with his rigid fingers and then asked me "does that hurt?" I said "does a bear shit in the woods?" while picturing myself headbutting his drunk eyes. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and now i'm waiting for the magic healing to begin. If you are able to go out tonight, please do something naughty for me. p.s. i didn't really say the "does a bear shit in the woods" but i thought it. Monday, December 04, 2006